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Orthodox Flames

Posted by [] on November 25, 2007

I had to cross-post this. This is not only awesome, but I happen to know the original author, which is not the person listed [here] – he was just another cross-poster. And I’ve located the rest of the flames – there are actually 95 of them, and they come with end-notes.

It’s really being posted, tho, a followup to the previous blog entry on Fallacies. These could be Protestant Flames or Roman Catholic Flames or, really, just Religious Flames – you’ll find people using them in college classes, political debates, religion – any venue that attracts all kinds of people, can raise the passions, and convince people that the ends (the cause) justifies any means, methods, or techniques for achieving it. They’re basically fallacies but dressed up in a religious context.

Orthodox Flames
The Definitive Guide

Orthodox Flames
The Definitive Guide
Orthodox Flame 1:
I humbly remind you that you’re too proud.
Orthodox Flame 2:
When we attack you, the Holy thing is to remain meek and passive.
Orthodox Flame 3:
Let’s keep the dialogue open; lets discuss how you talk too much.
Orthodox Flame 4:
Your interest in genuine Orthodoxy demonstrates that you’re not fully converted.
Orthodox Flame 5:
You’re talking out of your… er.. uh… background.
Orthodox Flame 6:
You’re not smart enough to have an opinion, but there’s a nice pew in the back for you.
Orthodox Flame 7:
If you defend yourself we can’t make you a martyr.
Orthodox Flame 8: Surveillance Flame:
Who’s your Bishop and where’s your Church?
Orthodox Flame 9: Love means we never have to say we’re sorry.
Orthodox Flame 10: Dossier Flame 1:
We’re exposing this person in public so you can pray for him in secret.
(was fundamentalist flame #1)
Orthodox Flame 11:
We’ve wounded your pride; we were aiming at your head.
Orthodox Flame 12: Clergy are right even when they’re wrong.
(was Jesuit flame #1)
Orthodox Flame 13:
How dare you say that about bickering and division! Are you asking for a fight?
Orthodox Flame 14:
No, here we only have one right – the right to be smeared.
Orthodox Flame 15: Shut up or I’m leaving.
Er…uh…I mean my delicacy is being offended by your self-righteous manipulations, so I might have to unsubscribe.
Orthodox Flame 16:
Tell us who you are. Anonymity is obviously a ploy to protect your good name.
Orthodox Flame 17: False false false.
What I say three times is true.
Orthodox Flame 18 Re: I still think…
(was “What the Father’s Say”)
Orthodox Flame 19:
You’ve got too much pride. I know; I was born Orthodox
(…am Greek, studied in Greece, teach Sunday School, have a degree, …..)
Orthodox Flame 20: The Flame that Never Dies:
repeat a rumor, accusation, or misrepresentation again and again until it passes as real.
(was The Holy Hatchet Job)
Orthodox Flame 21: The Divine Dogpile (self explanatory)
Orthodox Flame 22: Titular Trap:
Cry abuse and mistreatment at an imprudent form of address, but call it over-reaction todefend one’s actual name.
Orthodox Flame 23: The Non-Confession Confession:
“Dirty Tricks happen.”
Orthodox Flame 24: The Enabler:
“Dirty Tricks happen. Let them.”
(also “Live and Let Flame”.)
Orthodox Flame 25: The Pious Enabler:
I mean, people are only human. Why can’t you talk about something good like divinization?
Orthodox Flame 26:
What do you expect from Orthodox Christians?
Oh…
Orthodox Flame 27:
Truth is admitting you’re wrong even when you’re not.
Orthodox Flame 28: Projection Flame:
This side issue is too important in your thinking; we’ve told you this repeatedly.
Orthodox Flame 29:
Accuse others of pretentions to scholarship; Append your academic resume.
Orthodox Flame 30: “Into the pit we’ve dug” flame:
Talk publicly about who was “caught in immoral conduct”, thereby being caught init also.
Orthodox Flame 31: Body-Snatching Flame:
Urge one to consult his spiritual father, then tell him what the spiritual father would say.
Orthodox Flame 32: Potshot Flame (self-explanatory).
Best used with “If you understood it that way, perhaps you’re too defensive.”
(Also known as the Flickering Flame)
Orthodox Flame 33: Flame-by-association:
fundamentalist-creationist, vagantee-idea (was Inquisition Flame #1)
Orthodox Flame 34: Flame-by-alienation:
If you say that, the Protestants, scientists, ethnics, WCC, won’t like us.
Orthodox Flame 35: Flame Prevention Flame:
Some questions shouldn’t be asked.
Orthodox Flame 36: Flame Retardant Flame:
Some questions aren’t worth asking.
Orthodox Flame 37: Drowned by an Ocean Flame:
“This isn’t the Church’s concern”.
Orthodox Flame 38: The Dossier Flame 2:
Seize on a point in an opponent’s history, an make it the explanatory fact of his”background” – adversely affecting all his views. Suggest that he is not fullyconverted.
(Was Puritan Flame #1)
Orthodox Flame 39: Flame to End All Flames:
Invite someone to take a dispute offline, only to give them a piece of one’s mind with a note that the conversation is over.
Orthodox Flame 40: Smart Flame:
Selective quotation of an interlocutor.
Orthodox Flame 41: Mint Seed Flame:
You should be spending your time praying and studying rather than concerning yourself with… (either/or vs. both/and)
(Was “Don’t Take My Advice, I Don’t Take it Myself” Flame) {1.}
Orthodox Flame 42: Diversionary Aside:
“And I haven’t even mentioned the shameful treatment of, comments about, …etc.” {2.}
Orthodox Flame 43: The Missionary Flame:
We argue not because we care about the truth, but in order to break your pride.
Orthodox Flame 44: Missionary Flame 2:
People of your attitude are what’s keeping converts away. Best used on converts.
Orthodox Flame 45: Missionary Reverse Ad Hominem:
You’re right, but assenting to your point makes it seem like I’m endorsing you.
(also known as Blacklisting Flame)
Orthodox Flame 46: Flame Substitute:
“Studies have shown…”, “Experts agree…”, “I think most of us would agree…”.
(also known as the Ecumenical Flame) {3}.
Orthodox Flame 47: Flamecalling:
“Only a fundamentalist would say…” “Only a person who has not spent enough time praying could believe…” “Only a convert…” “Only a newbie…” variation on “Only an ignorant person would think…”
Orthodox Flame 48: Cooking the Books:
That can’t be true, inspired, etc. because that would mean (affecting one’s pet issue – pacifism, feminism, etc.). Anyway, not everything written by all the Fathers is true….etc.
Orthodox Flame 49: Jurisdictional Cook Book:
Anyway, he’s from X jurisdiction. He *would* say that.
Orthodox Flame 50: Freezing the Books:
Those who use proof texts should know better…
(Also known as “We don’t need no stinking proof” Flame)
Orthodox Flame 51: Cook them All, Let God Sort Them Out:
I wish all of you would stop fighting. Sure, ___ called you and yours some nasty names, but your attempts to respond are just aggravating the
situation.
Orthodox Flame 52: Geek Anathema:
You must be a newbie (new participant). Go lurk.
(Was “Typical Welcome Flame #1”)
Orthodox Flame 53: Flaming No Names:
“Some of the (so & so’s) on the List…” (militants, fundamentalists, lackeys, etc.)
(also known as the Corporate Smear)
Orthodox Flame 54: Looking Under a Rock Flame: eg.
“…the vagantees who have come out of hiding…”
Orthodox Flame 55: Size Does Matter Flame:
Your posts are too long to be understood. Best used with full quotation of the aforemention message and an =20 after each line.
Orthodox Flame 56: Ortho-Fragging:
Send private messages sympathizing with the vicious beating someone is taking on the List, but offer no defense before his assailants.
Orthodox Flame 57: Warm Fuzzy Flame:
Argue a point to the rational teeth, then when proven wrong, answer “what good is reason without love?”
Orthodox Flame 58: Vanishing Flame:
Argue a point to the rational teeth, then when proven wrong, suddenly cultivate silence.
Orthodox Flame 59: Literal Flame:
When an interlocutor says “I could be wrong” or “I am a sinful man”, or “I often make mistakes”, miss the point of Orthodox humility and respond “Thou thyself hast said it”. Best while maintaining that literalism is a fundamentalist vulgarity.
Orthodox Flame 60: Rubbing one stick together:
Go on about the deplorable sin of giving offense but forget the sin of taking it.
Orthodox Flame 61: Burning With Love:
Tell someone he’s been “warned” numerous times of his error, referring to the posts where he is called a “fraud”, “cult-member”, etc, and that his unwillingness to meekly ascede to those criticisms is a sign of his stubborn resistance those who love him.
Orthodox Flame 62: Psychological Mugging:
“So and so believes, feels, thinks, can’t get past, is trapped in, out of touch with, wants us to, is caught up in, blinded by, obviously suffering from…” (us?).
(Was Streetcorner Therapy Flame #1)
Orthodox Flame 63: Do Not Disturb flame:
What we need on this message server is fewer messages. How about we all stop talking.
Orthodox Flame 64: Ventriloquism Flame:
Of course so & so would say…
Best when answered by “I can’t believe he said that!”
Orthodox Flame 65: Blame Flame:
Examine yourself. Maybe all these flames are coming your way for a reason.
(Was Central Park Jogger Flame #1)
Orthodox Flame 66: Vitamin-Fortified Flame:
Maybe these flames are happening for your benefit.
Orthodox Flame 67: Kevlar Flame:
Don’t take these flames so seriously.
Orthodox Flame 68: Flame of Flames:
Our Lord didn’t cry out when we flamed Him.
Orthodox Flame 69: Jurisdictional Flame:
My flame doesn’t recognize your flame.
Orthodox Flame 70: Vagantee Flame:
That’s not a real flame!
Orthodox Flame 71: Huh? Flame:
My flame is in communion with your flame, but they can’t concelebrate.
Orthodox Flame 72: Calendar Flame:
My flame won’t come until a week after your flame.
Orthodox Flame 73: Modern Translation Flame:
This is not a flame. It’s a luminescent metaphor for primordial conflict.
Orthodox Flame 74: The Ecumenist Flame:
It’s only a flame if that’s all right with you. We’re open to sticking our hand in the flame at some point, if it’s cool for you.
Orthodox Flame 75: The Genuine Original True and Unadulterated Flame:
“There’s only one flame left and its ours.”

The original 76-85 (they seem to have been mis-numbered at some point)

Orthodox Flame #76:

“I wouldn’t join any jurisdiction that would have me as a member.” (Omophor-Hopping Flame)

Orthodox Flame #77:

Your own mother doesn’t recognize you.
(Disregarded Deposition Flame)

Orthodox Flame #78:

I don’t recognize my own mother. (See Vacancy Flame)

Orthodox Flame #79: Lung Theory Flame

So I have TWO mothers?

Orthodox Flame #80: Probably True Flame

You’re obviously closed for Renovation (ism).

Orthodox Flame #81: Sputtering Flame

Yeah, well you’re autocephalous!

Orthodox Flame #82: Vagantee convert Flame

Yeah, well you were received by Schismation.

Orthodox Flame #83: Guantanimo Flare

Wasn’t your bishop the one censing a sidewalk on CNN?
(Vagantee Flame 2)

Orthodox Flame #84: Consecrated Flame

(Vagantee Flame 3) Your bishop was consecrated in a pool hall.
Answer: And Our Lord was born in a stable.

Orthodox Flame #85: Motherland Flame

You’re under arrest. You nuns clear out of here!

Flames 86-95 (again, they seem to have been renumbered)

Orthodox Flame 86: Sergian Flame

Say, what’s your codename?

Orthodox Flame 87: Inter-Sergian Flame

Yeah, well your codename is “pest”.

Orthodox Flame 88: Matushka Flame

The Mat. doesn’t stand for Matador. Take your bull elsewhere.

Orthodox Flame 89: Crucible Flame

911? There are men with torches at the door!
Oh, it’s only a late night defrocking.

Orthodox Flame 90: Spelling Flame, Acronymic Flare:

Ekkumenism, Antiochian Archdisease, EpisCOCUmenism, Semetary, Anglimensions, Spyierarch, faxcommunication, Dukakiscopalian, ORCA, OKRA, ROCORP, SCOBOTS.

Orthodox Flame 91: GOA way! Flame

Orthodox Flame 92: Flame in Denial Flame

I wasn’t just flamed, I was GOARCHed!

Orthodox Flame 93: Casuistry Shuffle Flame:

Let us hierarchs worry about the Church; you worry about your salvation.
Answer: I thought the Church was my salvation.

Orthodox Flame 94: Licked by Flames

Sign on Vatican Door during Papal Visit to Moscow: “Gone Fishing”

Orthodox Flame 95: Dancing with the Devil Flame

Sign on door of Moscow Patriarchate during Papal Visit: “Live Bait”

The original end-notes:

1. When Christ chided the pharisees for tithing mint seeds but neglecting the weighter matters of the law, he did not say they should no have tithed their mint seeds — he said they should have “done the former without neglecting the later”. — Why Ad Hominem Arguments are Fallacious – John Whiteford, 12 Dec 97.

2. If you wish to discuss that, then please do — but do it in the context of discussing that, rather than as a diversionary aside within the context of another discussion. – Why Ad Hominem Arguments are Fallacious – John Whiteford, 12 Dec 97.

3. see Dr. Thomas Mether on Proof Surrogate, Why Ad Hominem Arguments are Fallacious, 12 Dec 97.

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